I mentioned in a recent post about my new yoga practice that I had begun to notice the difference between the left and the right side of my body. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the difference is marked. The muscles on my left side, in terms of my hips down to my ankles, are extremely tight, making it very hard, if not impossible to get into or stay in many left-sided postures or stretches. Postures that I have no problem with on my right side.
I’ve been on a mission lately to work out why this is and to get to a place where both my left and my right sides work together in balance. I’ve even allowed myself to contemplate that one day I’ll be able to get into a full lotus position!
The importance of balance
I was talking to a friend about this issue recently when she paused, gave me a knowing look and said: “you do know that your left side represents your feminine side?” In an instant, I realized how I’ve spent my entire life neglecting and even suppressing the feminine part of me.
As I thought more about it, I remembered how as a girl, I identified strongly with being a tom-boy and I even remember feeling some sadness and frustration about the fact that I had been born a girl. As a young girl I was often drawn to more boyish pursuits such as play-fighting, riding bikes and climbing trees and I always felt more comfortable in the company of my male friends.
As I got older things started to change and I began to redress the imbalance that had been so apparent in my younger years. I started to gain many more fulfilling friendships with women and after years of dressing like a boy, shunning dresses, colour and wearing all black, I started to embrace the female in me. As I write this I’m sat wearing a flowery skirt and a pink top, something my eighteen-year-old self would have shuddered in disbelief at the thought of.
“Male and female represent the two sides of the great radical dualism. But in fact they are perpetually passing into one another. Fluid hardens to solid, solid rushes to fluid. There is no wholly masculine man, no purely feminine woman.” ~ Margaret Fuller
As such, I had over recent years stopped feeling as though my masculine and feminine sides were hugely out of balance. But my recent revelations have made me realise that some imbalance still exists. What I’ve realized is that we are all feminine and masculine to an extent. Like the philosophy of Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine), one can’t exist without the other and the ideal is when these two are in balance within us.
Yin and Yang
It’s precisely for this reason that I have been trying to attend more Yin yoga classes lately to balance with my daily Ashtanga (Yang) classes. One thing that I read on the subject of Yin and Yang recently is the idea that a basic rule regarding their relationship is that Yang protects Yin and Yin nurtures Yang and together they form a complete whole.
Just looking at my yoga practice, I can see the truth of this idea. It is my Ashtanga practice that strengthens my muscles allowing me to do more and for longer but it is my Yin yoga practice that nurtures and restores my muscles, allowing me to continue with my strength building.
“We are both man and woman. My brothers can be tender as mothers with their infants. Women can fight like tigers. Do you see? We are all a mist of each. Power starts when you strike the proper balance. Believe me when I tell you that the woman part of you is the better part. But you are also a man.” ~ ‘The Hummingbird’s Daughter’ by Luis Alberto Urrea
Once I started to look into the idea of balancing the feminine and masculine parts of me, I unearthed a mass of information. Below are two lists of commonly mentioned feminine and masculine traits. It’s important to make the distinction at this point that feminine doesn’t mean female and masculine doesn’t mean male. We all embody both masculine and feminine energy and it’s just as common for a man to have an overactive feminine side as it is to find a woman with an overactive masculine side.
Masculine and feminine traits
Common Feminine traits
- Surrender
- Reception
- Emotion
- Radiance
- Flow
- Sensuality
- Nurturing
- Affection
- Sharing
- Gentleness
- Patience
- Love
Common Masculine traits
- Freedom
- Direction
- Logic
- Focus
- Integrity
- Stability
- Passion
- Independence
- Discipline
- Confidence
- Aware
- Authentic
Embracing the feminine
In recognition of characteristics such as surrender, flow and sensuality, I recently attended a dance mandala class, which in essence is a moving dance meditation. In terms of flow and connecting to my feminine side it felt like an important thing to do. Dancing has always been a struggle for me and in terms of my new learning about femininity, I can now see that this struggle directly relates to feeling less comfortable with traits such as surrender and flow. To further enhance these, I will be making a more concerted effort to incorporate dance into my life.
I mentioned in my most recent post how I’ve become better at expressing love and feeling on a roll with that, I will continue to share my love as widely and openly as possible through sending more love letters, giving more hugs and telling more people what they mean to me, hopefully further strengthening this feminine quality.
I had an amazing Skype call with one of my favourite new bloggers recently, Tim Mcauley (if you don’t know of him, check him out!). I told him about my new interest in balancing my feminine and masculine energies and he gave me a brilliant piece of advice. He suggested that I meditate on the words (traits) that describe femininity. Taking each word and searching for other related words and then also meditating on any of those that resonate. I haven’t started this yet but I plan to and have no doubt that it will help. I’m a firm believer in the notion that “thoughts become things”.
The need for both
Whilst I write this post as a woman with a need to further embrace my femininity, I’m hoping that this post will also resonate with people who have other imbalances. Perhaps you are a man who has a weaker masculine side or a woman who needs to better embrace her masculine side. Whatever the imbalance, it’s important that we all have a healthy balance of the traits listed above not only within us but within our personal relationships. In a couple, two people with a stronger masculine energy are just as likely to run into trouble as a couple of people both possessing a stronger feminine energy.
“If any human being is to reach full maturity both the masculine and feminine sides of the personality must be brought up into consciousness.” ~ M. Esther Harding
Do you have an imbalance of your masculine and feminine sides? Can you see ways in which you might redress such an imbalance? Or do you think that the feminine and masculine parts of you are working in harmony together? If so, how do you maintain this balance? I would love to hear from you. If you enjoyed this post, please don’t forget to share it by hitting one of the buttons below.
Hi there, I'm Caroline. Welcome to Life is Limitless, my blog about personal development with a focus on facing fears and living a life without limits. Check out my about page to find out more and pop your email in the box below to subscribe for regular updates.
Hi Caroline, that’s a good read again! And I’m doing the “opposite” thing for some years now, discovering some long-time hidden masculine traits. For all the fellow guys out there, check out “No more Mr. Nice Guy”. A great book.
Cheers to Chaing Mai!
Patrick recently posted..Finally: Fotos von drei Wochen Singapur, Malaysia und Brunei
Hi Caroline,
You have a beautiful way with words, and the subject matter is so relevant. I have my sisters bone marrow, so there’s a strong chance that I have a stronger feminine side.
e. Keep up the great writng.
Alan.
Thanks for your lovely comment Alan, I’m glad my words resonated, thanks for sharing
Hi Patrick, congratulations on finding your hidden masculine traits, I’m starting to realising that this sort of imbalance is actually quite common, thanks for sharing
Sup, Caroline!
Yo… I dug into your piece, because I’ve been studying the same thing recently.
Growing up I was a feminine sort of dude… I was shy, quiet, and sensitive. I could make some sick art, but I just couldn’t get the whole being a dude thing.
Even now… I feel I understand feminine energy very well.
But I’m a masculine guy… I must build a successful business to die complete. I crave and need to create tangible shit.
I’ve been working on growing my masculine skills to so I can serve my true heart. Feeling more and more myself all the time.
Book recommendation comin’ at yah… Enlightened Sex by David Deida. Fucking fascinating!
Benjamin recently posted..How Niall Doherty Got Un-Shy: 12,481 Miles, 100 Women, One Testicle
Yo Benjamin, sounds like you and I need to swap some notes! As for feeling more yourself all the time, I’m glad to hear it. Thanks a million for the book recommendation, I’ll definitely check it out!
My mates wife is a Psychologist and she asked a series of questions from a test to see how feminine/masculine wired peoples brain was. Because I am notorious for my long hot baths, and open emotions – my mates ripped the piss out of me behind my back and said I’d be reeeeeeeally feminine :p
The results: I gave the most masculine answers to the test than all of my mates and other people she had interviewed.
*beats chest*
Anthony recently posted..Why I Had My First Alcoholic Beverage in Burma, After 8 Months of Sobriety
Anthony, what can I say? You da man!
Disclaimer…I had planned on commenting before I saw the mention of my name
You mentioned two of my favorite things; balance and Yin Yoga!!
My mind brought to me the realization that I may have started out with a few extra feminine traits, but those got “trained” out of me at a very young age. Showing emotions, being joyful, gentile, affectionate and caring were more than just frowned upon by the men who taught me to “Man Up.”
I never really saw them as a problem. I didn’t think it made me less of a man, but I must have allowed myself to be convinced otherwise. As I read this, it dawned on me that a lot of my struggle has been due to my imbalance of “negative” masculine qualities.
My aggression, primal rage, and my antagonistic tendancies may be a result of me not accepting my own nature. It looks Like I’ll be following my own advice this weekend and inviting myself to clear out some old and embody the traits that bring me into balance.
I may have forgot to mention the next part of that exercise. After you contemplate the list of traits (on both sides M and F) then think about what it is you’re really looking to achieve; balance, harmony, ease and a sense of flow. If it helps, imagine a “justice scale” with the Masculine words on one side and the Feminine words on the other. Tell yourself it’s ok to be _____(insert what you feel is lacking)_____.
I am so stoked that I signed up to get your Emails!!! This is the first thing I read this morning. I’d say I’m off to a beautiful start to my day.
Thanks Caroline,
Let me know when you’re free to Skype again.
I believe ya
With my new understanding, I find it’s interesting that people (society!) think that feminine traits aren’t manly, considering we naturally posses both energies and I love the point you make about the consequences of not accepting your own nature, I think this holds true for many of us. Thank you for part two of the exercise, I am definitely going to try this out! I’ll let you know how I get on. Skype call soon for sure. Ps. Your latest blog post rocks!
Great post as always Caroline. I’ve been reading and watching Tim’s posts and videos of late and really enjoying his wit and wisdom.
We do need to explore more of these traits in each of us. i think society has really imprinted and embraced the concept that males have masculine traits and women feminine. We have to break away from these traditional concepts society has adopted and explore both masculine and feminine traits in each of us instead of letting our gender dictate or suppress these traits within each one of us.
Thanks Vishnu! He’s great isn’t he? I’ve even had the pleasure of chatting to him on Skype and he’s just as great in real life (if we can call Skype real life!). You make a valid point, it’s so easy to assume that feminine relates to female and masculine to male, I myself didn’t truly understand the distinction until recently but it seems so obvious to me now that suppressing anything within us, will have negative consequences. Thanks for sharing
Hi Caroline
Great article and a subject close to my heart… finding this a fascinating subject to explore and love how clearly you put your personal take on it.
I’ve been getting to grips with the experience of being more ‘yin’ and discovering that by nurturing ‘yin energy through shiatsu, chi gung.. heck.. resting!! This is where our juice, vitality and oomph comes from… fueling the yang expression and movement towards goals and good health.
I too have always had a natural tom boy tendency and if anyone had told me I’d be embracing my feminine side quite as fully as I’m endeavouring to do at the moment I’d have snorted at them…
But you know, there’s such an expectation for us all to be on the go, being seen to be doing and producing all the time.. or at least it feels that way.
I dont know how many people if asked what they’re up to would put their hand up say ‘oh you know, nourishing my Yin’… cos that looks an awful lot like not much.
Yet, ask any creative person when the best ideas emerge… I’d say generally in a place of relaxation. As the body relaxes it becomes more receptive thus more open to picking up the right signals as to what might be needed ..intuition, mystery and deep knowing. I’d say female intuition except I know Men have it too
Thanks for your inspiration !
Christine, thank you for such a wonderful comment. Reading it, I had visions of closet Yin nourishers meeting in anonymous support groups haha. I think you are so right. Society is definitely very Yang and for that reason, it can be hard to place value on restoring and nurturing ourselves but with out it then we have burn out and lack balance. I also love your comment about where creativity comes from, for when we ignore or suppress our Yin, we do ourselves and society a huge disservice. Thanks so much for sharing
Hi Caroline
.
This is a very thought provoking post. I remember back in college when I was really trying to figure myself out (still am but with more comfort) and one of the psychology lectures discussed the concept of masculine and feminine.
They did a huge study on how men and women are perceived. I don’t know what they said about females but in regards to men the study showed that the most well respected, successful, happier, and well liked men had a strong balance of both. They tended to be known as “masculine with a feminine side”. It was very interesting to me. I think that was the first time in my life I realized that I could begin to embrace my softer side. I love analyzing things, having deep discussions and talking about rea life emotional shizzle.
This is a topic that I don’t see too often discussed (actually this is the first time I have seeing it) in the blogosphere. A very cool topic and I enjoyed hearing your take. I had no idea you used to be a Tomboy – I guess there is no reason I would know that. It’s cool to get to know you a little bit more through this post.
Izzy recently posted..How Really Bad Ideas Can Make Your Life Awesome.
Hi Izzy, I love your comment on many levels. Your use of the word ‘shizzle’ for starters (one of my all time fave words) but also the fact that what you have learnt on the subject reflects my new understanding too. I’m happy that the subject matter resonated and I’m glad that figuring yourself out has got more comfortable (it has for me too, I actually enjoy it these days!). Yeah I guess my tom-boy tendencies are less obvious these days but I definitely lean towards that list of masculine traits sometimes and so working on the balance continues, thanks so much for sharing