Strictly speaking I’ve been away from home for the past month. On December 12th after contact from family to say my Uncle was ill, I jumped on a plane back to the UK and haven’t yet returned. I didn’t have time to pack my stuff away and end my rental agreement on my apartment in Chiang Mai so I’ve been paying rent there even though I haven’t been there and won’t have been for over a month, by the time I get back.
Over the last month I’ve been lucky enough to be warmly welcomed into the homes of my family and friends. I’ve slept on sofas, air beds, in spare rooms and in the family room at the hospital and after so long away, I’ve given a lot of thought to what it means to be ‘home.’ I’ve spent time in the house I grew up in, the city I was born in, my Dad’s house, the city I lived for ten years and even stayed in the beautiful new home of my closest friend. In emails and conversations with people I’ve talked about going home and some people have reacted with surprise when I’ve explained to them that home for me is Thailand.
When I’ve thought or talked about home over the last few weeks, I have been referring to my apartment in Chiang Mai, it certainly feels like home to me, but the confusion others have had over my use of the term got me thinking. When I first decided to leave the UK, I had spent years yearning for a life of travel, to be on the road, to be somewhere else. Not long after I first embarked on my big trip, I felt lonely and misplaced. I soon started to worry that I would never feel at ‘home’ anywhere, but all that has changed lately and so too has my definition of home.
I remember a few months ago lying on a sun lounger by the open air pool near my apartment in Chiang Mai and watching a plane fly 
overhead. I smiled to myself as I realised that for the first time ever I didn’t wish I was on it, en route to some exotic destination. I was, I felt, exactly where I wanted to be.
When I think about why Chiang Mai feels like home to me, it’s not as simple as the glorious sunshine, the cheap cost of living, the delicious food, the beautiful temples or laid-back feel, although I have to admit all of that helps. I’ve realised recently that for the first time in my life I feel accepted and understood by virtually everyone I spend time with, including myself. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I suddenly find myself feeling at home just as I’ve started living the life of my dreams. This more than anything Chiang Mai has to offer, is why these days I feel at home.
I’m not saying that I need to be surrounded by people with the same take on life as me to be happy, I’m all for differing opinions and other points of view. What I am saying though, is that for the first time in my life, the majority of people around me don’t question my choices and preferences, in the main I believe, because they understand them. I haven’t had to explain or convince anyone lately of my reasons for not wanting to buy a house or my decision not to drink, I haven’t had to justify quitting my job or explain why I’m 35 and still single. For the first time in my life I’ve felt normal for choosing something different and that’s because most of the people around me have done the same.
Don’t get me wrong it’s also not that I felt completely misunderstood when I lived in the UK, but I did always feel like I was marching to someone else’s drum. I felt that my idea of success was not in tune with society’s idea of success. Over my choices to travel and live abroad, I had people ask me what I was running away from or suggest that the life I’m living abroad isn’t real life, yet now more than ever I feel alive, present and at home.
Coming back to the UK has also reaffirmed my believe that home is not about location. This last month has done nothing but remind me how lucky I am to have the friends and family that I have in my life. It’s also been evident that even under the saddest of circumstances, I can feel at home when with people who love and understand me.
Home isn’t my apartment in Chiang Mai, nor is it the town I grew up in. I think I finally understand what “home is where the heart is” means. For me, feeling at home is being comfortable in my own skin, understanding those around me and feeling understood, it’s friendship and family and living the life I want to live rather than the life I think I should.
Hi there, I'm Caroline. Welcome to Life is Limitless, my blog about personal development with a focus on facing fears and living a life without limits. Check out my about page to find out more and pop your email in the box below to subscribe for regular updates.
You could have written down a better “that’s exactly what I feel like” if you tried. that’s exactly what I feel like
Sorry to hear about your uncle though.
Thanks for your kind words Terry. I’m glad to hear my words resonated and that by the sounds of it you too have found your home from living life on your terms
A great post Caroline! And after more than 2 years on the road I feel exactly the same. Sorry to hear about you uncle though.
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Hi Pernilla, thanks a million for your comment and kind words. So pleased you have found the same from your life on the road
great post Caroline – home is where you’re comfortable in your own skins is quite a realization.
you’re not marching to society’s beats but your own. they look at us and think we’re out there – haha but we look at them and think they’re out there
I’ve lived my life in a very demanding and society-approved way and now, the exact opposite. The latter has brought more personal happiness.
Safe travels and happy new year.
Hi Vishnu, I love your comment. Looking “out there” is always futile, from where ever we are
I’m so pleased that you have found more personal happiness from living your own live. It’s pretty amazing eh? Happy New Year to you too my friend.
What an excellent post! I love the way you write. You describe so clearly your journey to the place where you feel comfortable, and I love the fact that you’ve found somewhere you feel accepted. Full-time jobs, marriage and house-owning isn’t for everyone. I escaped too, and never regretted it for a minute, although I ended up somewhere less exotic! After nine years away, I still feel very closely tied to the UK (in a good way), with elderly parents, and regular visits to see family and friends are essential for me. I hope your uncle is better.
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Hi Fiona, thanks so much for your lovely comment. I’ve been reading you blog and I love it. Seville is a wonderful city. I am half-Spanish myself so Spain has always been on my list of places to live. Maybe one day…:)
Eleven years into not owning a home, or having a full time job has made me realize that I was right when I departed that world, and I currently don’t think it’s even possible to return. Like exiting a paralel universe. Sometimes there’s no way back. At times I have brief moments of wondering what my life might have been like, but for the most part I have extreme joy that I chose the path I did. It’s made me stronger, happier, and full of life.
Thanks for sharing your journey.
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YES! Love this, how wonderful that you found your home
And for putting it so well with the ‘playing to someone else’s drum’…that’s exactly it.
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