Tuesday 12th January saw the first “official” women’s circle call take place and I was blown away by the openness, courage and vulnerability of the women who showed up.
We covered a whole range of topics from friendship to business to dealing with triggers and difficult emotions to information overload and overwhelm.
Below you’ll find very brief notes from the call and links to resources mentioned. If you don’t have the time to listen to the whole call use the notes below to find points of interest and use the corresponding time to skip to the relevant part of the call.
0-00:02:50: Logistics + participant controls.
00:02:50: Brief connection with each of the ladies. (Name, location + one word to describe how your feeling in the moment.)
00:07:20 – My vision for this circle
Essentially I believe that women (in particular but not exclusively) have a tendency to play small, hold back, suffer from perfectionism and allow self-doubt to stop them from sharing their incredibly important and beautiful gifts with the world. I’m not the only person who thinks this.
(Extended) Quote from Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic:
“Perfectionism is a particularly evil lure for women, who, I believe, hold themselves to a higher standard of performance than do men. There are many reasons why women’s voices and visions are not more widely represented today in creative fields. Some of that exclusion is due to regular old misogyny, but it’s also true that – all too often – women are the ones holding themselves back from participating in the first place. Holding back their ideas, holding back their contributions, holding back their leadership and their talents. Too many women still seem to believe that they are not allowed to put themselves forward at all, until both they and their work are perfect beyond criticism.
Meanwhile, putting forth work that is far from perfect rarely stops men from participating in the global cultural conversation. Just sayin’. And I don’t say this as a criticism of men, by the way. I like that feature in men – their absurd overconfidence, the way they will casually decide, “Well, I’m 41 percent qualified for this task, so give me the job!”
Yes, sometimes the results are ridiculous and disastrous, but sometimes, strangely enough, it works – a man who seems not ready for the task, not good enough for the task, somehow grows immediately into his potential through the wild leap of faith itself.
I only wish more women would risk these same kinds of wild leaps. But I’ve watched too many do the opposite. I’ve watched far too many brilliant and female creators say, “I’m 99.8 percent qualified for this task, but until I master that last smidgen of ability, I will hold myself back, just to be on the safe side.”
Now, I cannot imagine where women ever got the idea that they must be perfect in order to be loved or successful. (Ha ha ha! Just kidding! I can totally imagine: We got it from every single message society has ever sent us! Thanks all of human history!) But we women must break this habit in ourselves – and we are the only ones who can break it. We must understand that the drive for perfectionism is a corrosive waste of time, because nothing is ever beyond criticism. No matter how many hours you spend attempting to render something flawless, somebody will always be able to find fault with it…At some point, you really just have to finish your work and release it as it is – if only so that you can go on to make other things with a glad and determined heart. Which is the entire point. Or should be.”
00:11:40 – The scope of the circle – big leaps happen in all areas of our lives.
00:19:20 – “Have I separated myself too much from my old friends?” What happens when old friendships fall away.
00:29:58 – “I’m trying to figure out how to make it happen” How to decide whether or not to go for your goal.
00:40:44 – “I notice that my friends are the way I used to be and it’s difficult to deal with that” Setting boundaries and putting your own needs first.
01:02:10 – “How do I find my niche and promote myself to build my business?” The Prosperous Coach (contact me if you’d like the PDF version) approach and the difference between attracting clients and creating clients.
01:10:50 – “It bothers me that whenever anyone hears that I had intensive therapy with my Dad, people say wow you have to commend your Dad for that. How do I get past this trigger?” Giving yourself permission to not let it go. Giving yourself permission to be angry.
01:24:40 – “I have a tendency to get myself overworked and overwhelmed” Dealing with the fear of missing out + overwhelm is a choice. Bit Literacy offers a solution called the media diet and then within that he talks about your line up: “Think of the diet as a team of advisors you’ve hired to inform you about the world, on your terms. As the boss, you have to start by interviewing candidates, making some hires, and then continually evaluating how everyone is doing…the lineup is the set of periodical media and other sources that have earned their place in your media diet and which you’re most likely to stick with (though you always have the ability to let them go). These are your most valuable sources, and you must know exactly why you engage each of them.”
01:31:40 – “I know exactly where I want to go but I’m getting a little bit impatient waiting to see an outcome” Maybe it’s time to stop taking in information and start creating something instead. Let it go and be more in flow.
Resources mentioned on the call: