Women’s Circle Call # 7

On this page you’ll find highlights, notes and timings for the call.

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Show notes

Welcome, logistics + participant control

00:02:25: Opening with shared silence and connecting to ourselves

00:05:00: Welcome to new members and run through of the format of the call

00:07:35: Talking about the attachment to outcome. Is your attachment to outcome killing your creativity?

I realized I had started to become attached to my client’s outcome, but I can’t take responsibility for other people’s outcome. I can just show up and coach and support them in any way I can.

What happens when we get attached to the outcome is that we stop of being in a place of creative flow. If I allow myself to trust I know that the right thing will come.

00:10:42: Initial check in with each participant asking you to share, name, location, and somewhere in your life where your attachment to the outcome is preventing you from being in your flow.

– Attachment to wanting a relationship gets in the way of my thinking

– The attachment to recovering from codependence preventing me from going into the actual work that I want to do for that

– Attached to wanting to help/ guide my niece – I wanted to be a positive influence but we ended up connecting less

– With my creative activities I start doing it but quite fast I start thinking about the outcome I would like to have, and then I stop enjoying it.

– Attached to making sure that our friendship is not affecting our coaching relationship and because of this I make it affect our coaching relationship

00:27:57: “I started working on my codependence workbook, and it’s quite intense, so I’m taking my time, but the business keeps coming to my mind. I want to be able to commit to the decision of focusing on the recovery for three months. I’d like to find a way to let go of the voices of ‘I should do this, I should do that’, but I’m scared.“

Are the voices just ‘shoulds’ or is there a part of you that actually wants to work on your business? Are you worried that if you did some work it will take away something from your recovery work?

It seems as though you are completely separating the business and the recovery, is there a way that the personal growth work that you are doing could actually be supporting your business?

This vulnerable space that you are talking about; it’s important that you are tender with yourself, but don’t underestimate the power of your vulnerability that might be very powerful for your business at some point.

A commitment is only good if it serves you.

00:44:29: “What am I afraid of in relationship to coaching a friend? I’m wondering if there is something that’s unclear in our personal relationship that maybe is at play?”

Looking at this relationship. Are you afraid of the friendship affecting the coaching or are you afraid of the coaching affecting the friendship?

“There is a level of intensity in my coaching that I sometimes also have with in my personal interactions with my friends, and it might be that this led to a disconnection in the friendship at some point. And I’m afraid it will happen in my coaching, because that is just how I coach.”

Let you client know that he is in control of the intensity. He has the power to dial it down if it gets too much.

“I need to clear out things with myself. Once I get clear I will most probably have some clarifications to do with him. I want to be visible in my transformation; I want to be learning out loud.”

Honesty brings relief to the other person. As coaches we lead by experience.

01:03:46: “I’m trying to change my focus of my business into something I love. But I’m also quite lonely, and I’ve been single now for about 8 years, and it kind of takes over. I guess I just find it hard work sometimes doing it on my own. I’m trying to be this really positive businesswoman, but deep down there’s this ‘Oh I just want to be with someone’, and it almost feels a bit pathetic.“

One of our most primal needs is that desire for connection. It seems like you are trying to push it down. What we resist persists. You are in resistance to your desire of a relationship, and this makes the desire stronger. What could it look like for you to drop the resistance and be in a place of complete acceptance of the desire?

Examine what you want from a relationship. Become clear on what your desired partner looks like. Make the personal work your focus and a way to take action.

01:26:50: Goodbyes

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Resources mentioned on the call:

John P. Morgan

“The Mindful Coach” by Doug Silsbee

“Listening to Shame” TED talk by Brené Brown

The Power of Vulnerability” TED talk by Brené Brown

“Calling in The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas